Does anyone else get this or is it just me. I go through times when all I can think about is my Gran dying I am so scared of this it's unreal. I can't talk to her about it or anyone for that matter talking about it or even thinking about it to much or in detail reduces me to tears. I mean there is nothing to suggest she's going to die any time soon she could have many years ahead of her but none the less it still scares the life out of me. I suppose a triggering point of this was when my Gran took ill about a year ago and ended up in hospital it was only me there with her and she got really ill and at one point I thought she was going to go. I broke down I couldn't even stay with her. Since then I have these break downs and it's all I can think about and will end up in tears for hours, it's not all the time but when I have these episodes it really hurts me and completely destroys me emotionally. I just don't ever want to lose her.
I think sometimes, over-thinking it makes us more scared about it. When past experiences play on your mind, you start to imagine how it can affect your life. I get it too. My mum has been in and out of hospital since i was a kid, and sometimes when i'm feeling down, or if we have a row, or we have good times together it makes me think about life without her. I get scared and upset that i'm gonna lose her and that my life will never be the same without her. I know that at some point its inevitable that she'll be gone, but i'm just not ready for that yet. I'm sure that its something everybody worries about......thats why its so important to cherish the time we have with people now. Make every day and memory count, because you will always have them with you.
Thanks for that Liz. I know what you mean I'm really not ready for losing my Gran but I know I have to make every moment count I'm sure the time I spend worrying about it is wasting what time I have whilst she is still here. I think it's difficult for me because there are very few people I love unconditionally and all the people I have loved like that have left me and I don't want to lose the one person who is as I call her the Queen of my heart.
When my father's condition in the hospital worsened each passing day, I knew he was not going to make it, especially when his doctors told me it could be a matter of weeks or days. I loved him so much, and all I could do at that time was to pray to God mumbling the words "please, not yet." I prepared for that day, tried to strengthen myself. But when it came, it crushed me to pieces. Up to this date, I'm still in the process of making myself whole again. I still cry once in a while when I remember him. It lessens the heaviness I feel in my chest. To help me release my emotions, I wrote a blog about my father and the grief I felt since he passed away. Crying helps a lot - it cleanses the soul. And this forum is also a great outlet.
This kind of affects me as, I have lost one grandpa to cancer and, two other granpas of mine have got cancer but survived, I'm always worrying about them and, that the cancer is going to come back and, that I will lose them.
Ugh....I am in constant fear of that. My dreams are making me feel that way because often I dream of my death or death of my family and people close to me. I don't find it a problem dreaming about my day and going through all the things that could kill me but when I dream about death of someone close to me it just breaks me.
I have that fear too, but I think it's important to keep it under control. I used to have thoughts like that even as a kid when my parents went out for groceries, and I wouldn't stop crying! I still have that fear, but I don't like to entertain those thoughts.
