I think I am addicted to sex. I don't like it; it hurts. It's like I need it. And then I feel so awful after and I always say that I know it's not something I really want. The only way I can think to describe it is kinda like raping myself. I have been raped though. And I am worried that my long history of that is what has me like this. I'm too ashamed to really tell anyone. The few people I have told are nowhere near me now and that has things worse. I don't know what to do. I don't like it being on my mind...ever. But I can't seem to make it go away. I refrain from the thoughts and urges as much as I can, but a person can only hold back for so long. Even though I'm keeping away from it, that doesn't make it go away from my mental state. And honestly, the whole thing has my mental state questionable. I have post traumatic stress disorder and a dissociative disorder. If it were any other combination I wouldn't worry nearly as much. The umbalanced psyche and my amnesia really scare me with this.
I am an active member in Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, and I suggest going to a meeting and getting their book. Believe me. They saved my life.
I went through a terrible phase, and I admit this regrettably. I was so bad that I decided I probably should just find a regular partner and stay with him. I've been with the same person now for over four months. For me it was probably because of similar issues as other people with dealing with certain kinds of abuse. I also was very lonely from living most of my life practically single. However, I think for awhile it was a curiosity phase or maybe just wanting to explore more because I didn't do that when I was younger. There was a time when I wanted to save sex for marriage. However, lately I decided if I can't abstain from sex I should at least stay with only one person.
