Am I being unreasonable?

Not sure if I am being unreasonable with my other half or not. Am I just one of those nags that the other halfs become to despise?

My other half gets his laptop out nearly as soon as he wakes up (he works and has a very responsible job) on his days off. He puts his ear phones in and does all his music he wants, he blocks all back gorund noise out with the earphones. If the little one is stressing me out he never hears it but if I am so stressed I say to him please sort the little one out he rips his earphone out and makes me feel guity for disturbing him. This will go right throughthe night to about 3am. I never get conversation out of him through the evening either.

I am sorry but it is really annoying now, but when I approached him he says I am doing what I want to and he is doing but I dont sit with earphones in all day and night, I look after the little one and do the housework and cooking

Am I being unreasonable?
Is it me that needs to change?

Well there is part of me that is glad to hear what you have said because it is just what another person has told a number of times but then again im a little disappointed that I have let him become like this.

I don't see a way round, he isn't going to listen to reason and like I said when I ask him to help then he always does help but makes me feel so guilty in asking him to do it.

Honestly I have to tend to agree that you will need to do something to motivate him to get off his ass and help out. It takes two to have kids....and two to make a marriage work.

I completely understand what he is doing as I am very much the same way in the sense I work from home, I work on my days off and I listen to music to ignore the world while I work. Though, I don't have a wife or kids to look after either, so its not a problem.

In regards to hard love, I would advise to avoid the above solution and leave without the kids for a time just to see what he will do. If things do get worse and divorce comes around that very move could come back to haunt you for a very long time....things like that do not sit well with judges during custody battles, looks like you gave up.

I would instead start to weigh your options along with the positive and negative:

a) can you take the kids to your parents for a week?
b) do you have the money to leave him if your hard love goes in the completely wrong direction?
c) who pays for the bills?
d) etc.

Write everything down, sit down and read them over. Take the list to your husband and lay it out for him and give him a list of options.

Marriage is all about give and take, its not always the one party who is to give...

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I understand that he needs time to unwind on his days off, but he also has household responsibilities that he should be helping out with as well. He shouldn't leave all the household work to you. There are many men who think that because they bring home the money they are being good husbands and fathers. It's not just about the money. Being a mother is a full time job and I think mothers need help with that as well. Not only that, but he should be spending the time that he has at home with his child. He can listen to music and still spend time with his family. You all can listen to music together or do some activity together.

I think the fact that his behavior bothers you is important and should be addressed. You need to sit down and speak to him about the way you feel because it's important that both of you are happy in your relationship, as well as relaxed.

If he doesn't respect your feelings after you speak to him then I think he's selfish and doesn't truly love you, because if he did he would try to make you happy.

I would say he needs to help out, he needs to change not you.

Eh. This is what I don't understand about partners (whether man or woman).

They claim that they'll 'give everything' to their partners.

I don't know what 'being unreasonable' means, though.

But, honey, you should tell your man that you want and need to spend more time with him.

His job might be full-time (what does he do in the computer, again?) like mine - but I'm sure he can create that time for your family.

Thanks for all your advice.
I am going to try and have another chat tonight with him but I have done it a number of times now and feel that I am just nagging at him and that is what usually pushes them away lol

As for his job he works within the NHS his music and computer stuff is just what he does to relax. I think it hurts more because I work part time too.

I do that to my family members and I see my other family members do it to us as well.. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to say that, because he definitely is in the wrong here..

But still, you have to be patient with someone like him, they'll regret their actions when they see that they're really in the wrong.. It'll take time though. Normally talking to him like that will just piss him off, but he'll think about it and regret, but not show it. It has always been like that..

No, you are not being unreasonable. It only means he much prefer doing what he wants than taking care of you and your family. He wants his job than his family. Taking care of the family should never be a work, that you get bored or tired of. It should be a parent responsibility not just one of the parents. He is the one that needs change.
--- merged: Jun 1, 2011 5:41 PM ---
It's going the extra mile what really matters. It's his day off, so he should take care of the family not shuttng himself off. Actions speak louder than words.

Wow. If I were in your situation I don't think I would be in a relationship like that for more than a month. >_< Anyhow, maybe thats how we defines the word "de-stress" or unwind. Every once in a while we have to de stress if we don't want to burn out of doing stressing tasks daily or job.

Have you tried a different approach on dealing with your husband's behavior? Instead of being bothered by it, show him that you also need helps with works at home by doing your usual house work and ignoring him. I think its psycho-ing a person or something. Instead of nagging which irritates him and gets you to tensed and guilty situations. Try a whole new approach that will make him realize things.. It will take a couple of months though.. I don't think overnight change is possible. LOL

Yes, reverse psychology might do the trick. People,sometimes, do rebel even in the simplest way. If we nag them, they will make things even harder for you. A little kindness will go a long way. Make him guilty on what he is doing not the other way around...

I don't think that you are being a nag in this situation. Its great that he works and supports the family. But he is not only there for financial support. He needs to be a good father and a husband too. take the earphones away from him. As an adult he needs to help raise that child and also nurture the relationship the two of you have.

I don't necessarily think you're being unreasonable about wanting him to be available to you and your child, however, if you think you can change him you might be setting yourself up to be disappointed. Did he have a father who paid the bills but was emotionally unavailable to family? He might be following in his Dads' footsteps. He might not know any other way to interact and he might think when he's through working his time should be his. Maybe in his mind he is a good husband and father because he's employed and paying the bills. I would suggest some open and honest communication with him because if I were you...I'd be lonely...in that relationship. If you try to discuss it all with him you'll see...whether or not...he's willing to compromise to keep you happy. Good luck!

I think a little adjustment is necessary. Most men do not possess the motherly caring type. They usually think more on finances, work and how to improve the lives of their families. My brother and your husband is the same add up those husbands of my friends and neighbors.

If day off comes, he usually wakes up in the morning watching news. Sitting there like a fool and sometimes, chat with neighbors leaving his kids to me. I just give him space besides he works hard to pay the bills and stuff. I got used to it because my Dad and him are the same. I think we just need to extend our understanding and patience if we let our marriage work. There are times they will help you if they felt so. Men is different from women.