Cheaters

Go out with someone who you know cheated on his/her last girlfriend/boyfriend?

Do you think once a cheater always a cheater, or people can change and it wasn't you they cheated on anyway?

Thoughtss?

Personally I think leopards don't change their spots.

Gasp! This thread hit me. And so, let me answer.

I have cheated. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has but I have cheated and hurt the 2nd most important woman in my life.

I thought it was cool. Heck, this is fun. But in the end? It was the worst mistake in my life.

I hate myself for doing it and I'm just thankful that she still accepted me.

All in all, let me tell you that not everyone can accept your apologies.

It will hurt just as much as you have hurt that person.

You're really sorry but your apologies can't be accepted.

I have felt that before and it was really depressing.

If you don't want to get hurt, don't hurt anyone else either.

I think people can change, but I'm not the one to give that chance to someone who has recently cheated on their boyfriend. I know people tend to go for feelings, but I feel like you have to choose based on real facts as well. This is a loose comparison, but think about choosing your accountant, will you pick one who has filed bankruptcy twice or the one who hasn't?

As far as marriage goes, I think the decision to get back with them should be very well thought out. Its a problem that can hopefully be worked out if you love someone and are willing to help them change as well. My standpoint is date for a long enough time to really get to know a person even if it takes years. I wont live with someone unless we get married, I think its a better way to see their self control and my own if you aren't there to satisfy each other all the time.

Wow I need to take a breath now lol.

I believed people change if they will definitely help themselves to change. I was cheated once by my first bf as in face to face. I considered it at his lost because he is trying to get contact with me again and again even he is already married with that girl. I guess, I also cheated once but it was not intentional. I already told the guy that I want to ended up our relationship but he doesn't want too. Four months after I confessed that I want to end up our relationship I committed to a man ( who is my husband now) and we engaged. I don't want to excuse myself and I considered my action as cheating since my ex-boyfriend didn't agree to finish our relationship...What do you think? . BUT if the person is constantly cheating to his/her partner in season or out of season, that's already a habit and takes time to stop and get rid of it.

I have been cheated by a guy for more than a year; it was heartbroken.
I could not understand why he did such a thing to me. Maybe he just did not love me.
It is said, once a cheater, always a cheater. I dont know, but i will never think about cheating my partner.
If you dont love him/her any more just leave him/her why cheating?!
--- merged: May 31, 2011 at 6:00 AM ---

If a woman could make you change i would say she is a great woman and also it is the real love that you have on her. I tried to change the man i had loved but i failed and was hurt badly in the end. I thought he could change for me somewhat, but never did he do a decent thing. He even never said sorry to me. Anyway, its past and i am so glad that i have found the right man now.

A cheater will always be a cheater. It's ok if she just talked, chat or had a coffee with someone eventhough they are in a relationship with someone else. But if she slept with him, that's the worst thing that she could do when she's in a relationship with another guy. So, whats stopping her to do it again now that she did the worst thing in a relathionship?

Personally, I don't think I believe that adage. Cheaters are people, too. And people change. There must have been something that happened why cheating was done. I'm not defending them or anything but we are all human, so we are all prone to make mistakes. Although people in relationships should also do everything to make the relationship work. They're in a relationship so they should know better to stick to only one person.

If I have personally known the person for a while and know that it would be a destructice relationship, then no, I would not go out with someone who I know chated on her last boyfriend. I believe that people can certainly change! I see it happen all the time at AA! I just totally disagree with your views.

Same here, I don't believe a cheater can change. I would never be able to trust to trust him again and our relationship would be strained forever.

Now people can change, there is no arguing this point. But is that a chance that you really want to hinge a relationship on? Cheaters often are repeat players. All it will take is for one little thing to go wrong before they just play you.

I believe cheating is only posssible if people own each other. I guess if they both assume that they're in a committed relationship with one another it would be cheating...to be with...someone else. Some people are not built to be monogamous. I have a friend who is an alpha male and his natural tendency is to be with a lot of different females without committing to any one of them. It wouldn't be fair to expect him to be monogamous because he isn't designed for that type of relationship. It's in my best interest to maintain a platonic friendship with him so I won't have unrealistic expectations of him.

I wouldn't even consider asking him to change.

What is cheating? This is not a rhetorical question. Is cheating simply the fact that the person you love had sex with another person? Does the person still love you? Do you still love the person? If the answer is yes on both counts, what's the problem?

Do you go out with friends other than the one you love? Do you have fun with friends even though your lover isn't there? Isn't that cheating? If it isn't, then neither is having sex considered cheating. It's just a way to have some fun with a friend other than your lover.

As long as love is still there, that's all that counts. If you feel the love has diminished, then that's another matter. I don't expect anyone to agree with me. In fact I expect an avalanche of protests. But this is my opinion.

The problem here is that there are very real and very deadly STDs in the world today. One simply cannot afford to stand by idly while their significant other decides to sleep with everyone in town. I don't know about anyone else but i'm not about to spend the rest of my life wondering if my spouse is going to bring home a deadly disease while they were out 'having fun'.

A person cheats mainly because they feel like they aren't getting what they need with their current partner. Also, most cheaters will continue to cheat because often times, their partners will take them back over and over again after each offense. Soon, they start to get used to cheating and it becomes more commonplace for them to do it.

I see two different issues here. The first is the concern with STDs. Granted this is a serious problem. In fact this should be of concern even when linking up with someone for the very first time, because you don't know who that person has had sexual relations with before meeting you.

But if this problem of STDs did not exist, would there be any objection, then, to your partner having sex with another? I suppose the response to that would be the second point you raised. The feeling that your partner isn't finding satisfaction with you, or is simply habituated to sleeping around.

This second point you raised shouldn't be a problem if you have the confidence in yourself. Of course, if it bothers you too much, you have but to tell your partner to take a hike. But otherwise, you can say that if the partner isn't satisfied or just has a problem, it's their problem, and you are not going to bother yourself over it.

While I say all this, there is one thing that has to be absolutely clear between yourself and your partner. You are not going to be treated like a spare tire. You are not there simply as a backup between affairs. If you're firm enough, and you have confidence in yourself, I believe your partner would sense that, and learn to respect and appreciate you more.

I think the biggest emotional thing about cheating, never mind the stress it causes, is the lack of trust. Trust for me is fundamental in a relationship. When you take that foundation out, it's hard to make it work.

I am not that judgmental type so I guess I will give him a chance. Besides, along the way, you might unmasked his intention if it's real or not. For me, people change or not for a reason.